Meaningful Conversation

Had a great conversation today!

went something like this...

"phgyyg gnnnn fthhj kys..gah!!"

What is it with dentists that they ask you questions that require thoughtful and witty return... right before they shove a fearful looking metal implement into your gob??


Is it all part of the dental game plan?

• Throw the Patient/Victim off guard with Kindly and Charming Banter, making them feel at ease

• Then when they are distracted, thinking about the reply to questions like: "So, you're studying to be a teacher! what led you to do that?"

"Well Mr Dentist, the reason i wish to become a teaGHARYTFLLFFFFF...." BAM!!!

• He Jabs your gum with a needle, rendering you face semi immobile for the next few hours!!

Did he really care for the answer?? I THINK NOT!

That being said... the experience was not nearly as fearful as i expected (been a long time between dental visits for this chomper) and my teeth were in better condition that i feared! huzzah for the discipline of LessSugaryDrinksAndConstantMouthRinsing!!!!

In two days i venture forth on a month long Rural Teaching Practicum (my second prac) and therefore away from easily accessible Internet and by beloved NewlyBorn Blog Pages!

so Adieu Adieu to You & You & You!

hopefully i will have some tales to share when i return!!

WOOOOO PA!!

YaYaYe

Sinus, Headache, Novel Reading & Bed=
a nauseous cocktail of Insanity & Quasi Indian Chant

Dont ask me how that works??

Efforts At Getting Out Of Things

I was recently reviewing and dusting out my Memory Ducts (as us Maudlin Old Types are wont to do went we hit the Grand Old age of 27) when i stumbled and tripped over an incident which NOW causes me much mirth, but THEN..... well..... it raises the question (which id love to get some feedback on)

"How Far Would You Go, or Have You Gone,
To Get Out of Something You Don't/Didn't Want To DO????"

This is my Tale:

At the Chemically Charged (hormonal, recreational, pool-cleaneral) age of 16/17???*, the worst possible fate that could confront me of a morning was going to school. Being as the going of to school was quite a regular** occurrence, my life at that time, as you can imagine, was a horrific ordeal!! Look closely at my portrait***.... Can't you see the lines of pain, trauma, tragedy and horror etched into the very canvas of my poor teenage face!!

So as you can imagine (from the theme of this bog surely you get where i'm going) all my energies were poured forth into the effort of avoiding school!

Now, over the years i had developed a technique which, though it had never succeeded, i was sure would be successful if i practiced it enough! I dubbed it 'Pretending To Be Unable To Wake Up, Despite The Frustrated Cajoling Of My Mother, And When This Failed, Screaming "F*&K Off and Let Me Sleep****!!!"'. This morning however, I came up with a brilliant alternate plan....

All my life i had suffered, and still do, from a mild to moderate case of Asthma (my Achilles Heel if you will). i hated the bastard! Twas a constant hindrance in my plan to smoke every cigarette i came across*****!! But today it was going to be my tool to a Brighter Day.

.... So this morning, i woke up before my mother gathered the courage to brave my bedroom door, and started breathing heavily and repetitively, straining my lungs until... i induced what appeared to be an Asthma Attack!!

Brilliant no!!??! What better reason for staying home then being unable to breathe!!!!!???!?!

With hidden Glee i struggled dramatically into the living room, where my Mother, immediately seeing my laboured breathing******, grew very concerned!

So concerned in fact she called the Ambulance!

My Glee quickly turned to Consternation! the 15min wait (yes quick response time for this medical emergency) was one full of worry, but like the Trooper i was******* i persevered in my deception, hoping to outwit the Ambo-Man. After all... i was of the Highly Intellectually Superior Teenage Race!

Unfortunately for me, no one told me of the Phoney-Teenage-Self-Inducing-Sickness-Detecting Skills the ambulance officers receive training for, because he had me figured right away!

Mum was embarrassed (though secretly impressed at my determination i'm sure)

i was Mystified! How could such a perfect plan go so wrong!

The moral of this Story: You can't fool an Ambulance Officer!!

PS i wasted so much time i still got the day off!! WOOOOOOOOO!

Second Moral of the Story: You can achieve anything if you are willing to suffer a little embarrassment!!

Now Whats Your Story!!????!!?!?



*my memory fails me on exact age, i AM old and doddering now you know
**alas not as regular as my parents would have hoped!
*** try saying portrait in a posh, italian (or any euro style) accent! its much more satisfying!
**** I was a Joyful teenager.
***** I was a Intelligent Teenager.
****** she was an is a wonderfully caring woman! more than i deserved at the time
******* most likely a trooper of the SS Death Camp type!

Dust Blitzrieg!!!

Today the cities of Sydney & Brisbane* were inundated by a Dastardly Cloud of Dust. Intelligence (or is it) reports have flocked in** stating that this Cowardly Attack was launched by the Separatist State of Western Australia (note the higlighted SS) which, as sources tell, is rumored to being the staging point of Hitlers Final Attack on Allied Forces*** Their Ziel (Goal), it seems, is to choke those residing on the East Coast to death via an insidious weapon, developed by heinous Nazi Party Scientists, called "Staubsturm" (Dust-storm). Whilst the attack has brought Sydney to almost a complete standstill (the CBD being closed for the duration of the attack as citygoers hid in bomb-shelters), Brisbanites have been 'Thumbing Their Noses' in disdain of the Surprise Assault. Stalwart Queenslanders all over the state have been resisting the effort of the 'Staubsturm', some reportedly going so far as to say "We've been eating peoples dust for years! whats a little more?". Some have shown the veracity of this statement by going so far as to eat as much dust as possible through the continued riding of roller-coasters all over the state!! (pictured above). Whilst authorities are being careful to highlight the dangers of such defiant action taken by these Brave Citizens, communities state wide are applauding such actions. "We can hack whatever dirt anyone throws in our face!!" So there Dust Storm!!!

Story continued on this link: Nazis Attack East Coast

Notes to reader (*):-

*

**They literally did flock in! Due to massive Military Budget Cuts, pigeons are once again the primary method of relaying Intelligence reports.
***Garbled communication, due to the heavy shelling of Berlin by the Russians, mixed up the time and place of Hitlers Final (but futile) Orders for Retaliation, moments before he shot himself in the head with a pistol on April 30, 1945. Loyal SS members have been patiently, albeit rather puzzled, waiting for their moment to strike. Actual orders most likely read something like this: "Angriff von westlich von Berlin! bombardieren Sie jene Ostbastard in den Staub, dem sie von kamen" which translates as "Attack from the west of Berlin! Bomb those eastern bastards (must be referring to the Russians) into the dust that they came from".

The author takes no responsibility for the amount of truth represented in this report: any complaint can be forwarded to his mummy at: crystalaitchison@hotmail.com

David's Poetry Corner

Yello!!
this here is the result of the maddness imbued by hours of university study to a mind unused to the strain!! oh First Year Uni..... how i don't miss thee!!

Tralantula

Me were driving home tonight, froms a rather good internship meeting, and i decided to entertain myself in the silence (my iPhone was rather low on juice) with a rather poor but boisterous rendition of Day-O by Hairy Belafonte (wonderful song no??)

Besides ba-humming the smashing bass line and yodeling the Day-O's and the Talibans (you know... Come Mr Taliban, tally me bananas.... it 3 in the fricken morning) i found myself to be rather deficient in the remaindeer of the songs deep deep lyrics. Got to the bit which goes, you know, "Dum di Da da... Dum TRALANTULA???" when i realised that i could no longer pronounce the Majestically Feared Spiders name!!!?!!......

...Tra-lan-tru-la...

...ta-tran-mo-la...

...tru-lanlu-lo....

.....got totally flummoxed as to how to say it. Went through the whole sound-it-out like a 3rd grader trick and bam...

...of course...

" Tra-Lan-Tu-La... Got It!!!

was so darn proud!!

Forgot all about my wonderful Belafonte rendition in my grammerical pride and felt suffused with the joyful glow of success and victory!!!

Wasn't till i got home and checked the All Powerful Dictionary (yes my glow wasn't all that confident) that i realised it is spelt 'Ta-ran-tu-la'.

disapointment

Welcome Me to Me-Land!

Well Me, here is our first blog!

welcome to your new, potentially non-gonna-be-used, thought dumping ground. may our thought process become ever clearer through the constant striving of blog bog frog on a log! now look here!! we have been trypooin i mean typing for mere nanoseconds and already our insanity has become apparent through the terrible expression of horrible rhyme!!

maybe earlier nights should take a precedence over starting useless bog pages that serve no purpose beyond the perverse pleasure we take in seemingly nonsensical writing!! or is it???

mmmm maybe the seemingly random and verbose splooooosh of verbal diarheaohhaa (never could spell this word...wait a sec....dictionary here we come: DIARRHEA wooooo thats a weird word for a gross sometimes result of bad hygene....lets continue in where we left of to start this ridiculously long bracketed section that im sure breaks many grammatical rules) contains hidden code that relays important information to high up sorts who wield immeasurable power over the likes of any dooosh who happens to read this and scoofs at my idioticnessness.


or maybe its just a tell tale sign of my state of mind...

read it how you will