Efforts At Getting Out Of Things

I was recently reviewing and dusting out my Memory Ducts (as us Maudlin Old Types are wont to do went we hit the Grand Old age of 27) when i stumbled and tripped over an incident which NOW causes me much mirth, but THEN..... well..... it raises the question (which id love to get some feedback on)

"How Far Would You Go, or Have You Gone,
To Get Out of Something You Don't/Didn't Want To DO????"

This is my Tale:

At the Chemically Charged (hormonal, recreational, pool-cleaneral) age of 16/17???*, the worst possible fate that could confront me of a morning was going to school. Being as the going of to school was quite a regular** occurrence, my life at that time, as you can imagine, was a horrific ordeal!! Look closely at my portrait***.... Can't you see the lines of pain, trauma, tragedy and horror etched into the very canvas of my poor teenage face!!

So as you can imagine (from the theme of this bog surely you get where i'm going) all my energies were poured forth into the effort of avoiding school!

Now, over the years i had developed a technique which, though it had never succeeded, i was sure would be successful if i practiced it enough! I dubbed it 'Pretending To Be Unable To Wake Up, Despite The Frustrated Cajoling Of My Mother, And When This Failed, Screaming "F*&K Off and Let Me Sleep****!!!"'. This morning however, I came up with a brilliant alternate plan....

All my life i had suffered, and still do, from a mild to moderate case of Asthma (my Achilles Heel if you will). i hated the bastard! Twas a constant hindrance in my plan to smoke every cigarette i came across*****!! But today it was going to be my tool to a Brighter Day.

.... So this morning, i woke up before my mother gathered the courage to brave my bedroom door, and started breathing heavily and repetitively, straining my lungs until... i induced what appeared to be an Asthma Attack!!

Brilliant no!!??! What better reason for staying home then being unable to breathe!!!!!???!?!

With hidden Glee i struggled dramatically into the living room, where my Mother, immediately seeing my laboured breathing******, grew very concerned!

So concerned in fact she called the Ambulance!

My Glee quickly turned to Consternation! the 15min wait (yes quick response time for this medical emergency) was one full of worry, but like the Trooper i was******* i persevered in my deception, hoping to outwit the Ambo-Man. After all... i was of the Highly Intellectually Superior Teenage Race!

Unfortunately for me, no one told me of the Phoney-Teenage-Self-Inducing-Sickness-Detecting Skills the ambulance officers receive training for, because he had me figured right away!

Mum was embarrassed (though secretly impressed at my determination i'm sure)

i was Mystified! How could such a perfect plan go so wrong!

The moral of this Story: You can't fool an Ambulance Officer!!

PS i wasted so much time i still got the day off!! WOOOOOOOOO!

Second Moral of the Story: You can achieve anything if you are willing to suffer a little embarrassment!!

Now Whats Your Story!!????!!?!?



*my memory fails me on exact age, i AM old and doddering now you know
**alas not as regular as my parents would have hoped!
*** try saying portrait in a posh, italian (or any euro style) accent! its much more satisfying!
**** I was a Joyful teenager.
***** I was a Intelligent Teenager.
****** she was an is a wonderfully caring woman! more than i deserved at the time
******* most likely a trooper of the SS Death Camp type!